You teach what you know, that’s the understanding I came to believe! A good portion of my life, was lead with no strict guidelines, no consequences or rules, causing instability and uncertainty. The morals and values that were instilled within my mind, were contradictory. It was a do as I say, not as I do, lifestyle. One of confusion, for a child. My idea of family always came from a longing, for the things I never had. That’s when I began to reach outside of myself, to fill my needs and before long, it was the only way, they were met. This only led to a life of wanting. I always found myself trying to fill an emptiness or void, I felt within myself, an endless need that would never be met, alcohol and drugs couldn’t truly make that feeling go away. Until, my body, mind and spirit, began to hear the call, the call that would not be denied, it was telling me, it’s time. My inner knowing had been awakened.
How many times have you been for a walk, you probably couldn’t even count them, right, it’s been that many. What if I told you that all those walks you took, weren’t really walks. I say this, because half the time you go for a walk, you don’t stop to take in your surroundings, soak it up, I mean, not just skimming the surface. For a walk to be considered, a walk. It needs to be experienced, which means you take it in, by using your 5 senses.
1.) Sight – What do you see, allow your mind, body and spirit to experience it, by noticing the colour, shape and size. Allow yourself to be curious about it.
2.) Sound – Listen to the sounds by noticing the tone, pitch, and duration of the sound, where it’s coming from, what’s making it and how does it make you feel.
3.) Smell – Describe the smell, does it have one, is it fresh, sweet, airy, or musty and rancid, is the smell strong or weak, does it linger or fade off into the distance. Does it entice or repel the senses, does the smell evoke a memory, if so, is it pleasurable or painful.
4.) Taste – Can you physically taste it, is it eatable like a strawberry or a blade of grass, or does it smell, leaving a lingering taste in your mouth.
5.) Touch – How does it feel, is it soft or hard, is it big or small, is it warm or cold, describe it.
When I go for a walk, I like to take my shoes off, so, I can feel the ground beneath my feet, I can describe the surface I’m walking on. I like to pickup and carry a part of my surroundings with me, like a flower, pebble or stone. I caress or feel the object in order to take it in, while observing the colour, shape and size. I might pick up a blade of grass and place it in my hand or walk by and skim the top of the long wheatgrass. Sometimes, I’ll stop to pet a dog or have a conversation with a stranger, I might make my way to the park, just to sit on the swings. The point is I blend in with my surroundings in order to take it all in, this is how walks were meant to be!
I’ve never been much of a planner and organizing, well forget it. I was always the type of person who never had a problem living for the moment, seldom thinking of anything else. Each and everyday was just that, a new day. Whatever happen the previous day was forgotten no need to hang onto it, the day has now passed. This way of thinking has served me well, the only problem is that it doesn’t work when it comes to running a business. Having to organize and plan your work week or even create content can be a struggle, believe me I tried winging it but eventually, the well runs dry. These are the things I’m working on, every now and then I may tend to run a little behind just remember, each and everyday is a new day so, I’ll keep trying.
I’ve been so preoccupied lately with so many things on the go. I just made some changes to Authentically Me, It is now an addiction recovery community group, I’m also in the process of starting a Coffee Time Connection morning conversations, that will happen every Tuesday at 11 am in our Facebook Community Group, we will be focusing on healing the wounds of addiction, also identifying patterns and beliefs in order to support families who are controlled by addiction through an adult child still battling addiction. The focus is to support families in the recovery process in order to free themselves from addiction.
Chapter 1: Evolution | The SEAT of the SOUL 25th Anniversary Edition
— Read on seatofthesoul.com/sg/sg1/
When I started my journey into addiction, I did so at a very young age, it was one of curiosity. Both my parents were alcoholics and so were both my grandparents. I would enter into addiction thinking everyone lived this way, to later find out that was far from the truth. My parents inability to manage life, left me lacking that inability too. It also became apparent later, when I was to have children of my own. I would discover an inability to show affection, as a child I viewed many forms of emotion, affection was not one of them. Drama and disfunction became our way of life. Unaware of the aftermath of addiction, I was to become a free agent in a world I knew nothing about. Leaving home at 16 and having experienced the effects addiction has on a family, I was to enter a life filled with abuse and turmoil, bound to repeat a pattern I knew, all to well. Realizing, I had no safety net to fall back on. I would slowly retreat into a life of familiarity. Addiction was my life experience and it had taken me to many places, treatment centres and mental institutions, causing my first suicide attempt at the ripe old age of 21, I had entered into a dark place, one of desperation and emptiness. To find recovery, or did recovery find me. I had discovered the meaning of life, buried within the pain of grief and loss. It was there, where life is celebrated. In each moment, no more important than the next, that you see the beauty, when life draws its final breath. The importance one life has on another, was to send me on a journey to self discovery, one I’d like to call, from me, with love.
We bare witness to our beliefs everyday. It’s in the words we speak, the deeds we perform on a regular basis. It’s in the way we choose to live, the friends we have, the foods we eat, everything we do is surrounded by these beliefs. If you take one away you would have to replace it with another or you would only revert back to your initial belief, each one was constructed in such a way that they are reinforced by others. It’s taken a lifespan to construct, so removing and replacing even one, requires work and dedication, it will never be a quick fix a band aid solution. This is a job where the rewards far exceeds the benefits.
Outside of my addiction I found that I am an optimist, I see the brighter side of life, always noticing the good in everything. Even when I’m having a bad day, I believe there’s something to be learned by it all. Know matter how cloudy the day the sun is shining somewhere. This attitude serves me well because no matter what I may be going through it’s always for the best. I say, give me this or better and it’s always better, it’s the law of attraction at it’s finest. As far as I’m concerned, nothing can be worst than one of my bad days using. When you look at your life in moments, there’s nothing you can’t handle when you remember to breathe, just breathe!